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Author Topic: Appreciation post from Zakken  (Read 140 times)

Zakken

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Appreciation post from Zakken
« on: November 25, 2017, 11:42:50 AM »
Hello. This will read more like a blog post, so if that doesn't suit your fancy, pretend ya didn't see this.

Anyone who's studied their WDL history knows that I was one of the "founding captains" of the league back during its inception in 2014, and that I've been around for a while in general (7 years and counting), coupled with a number of competitive achievements of my own (strong results in almost every tournament/league I signed up for, also won the final IDL season). Also, anyone who's known me for longer than a couple of years is well-aware that I had a history of bad temperament: easily irritable, eagerness to point fingers at teammates upon defeat (which I feel was overblown by some ill-intentioned fellows but let's not get to that), prone to shittalking anyone who's not a top player, the list goes on. I helped out with some things in the IDL and WDL, but I also counter-intuitively made bad moves against both of them, and myself contributed to a more toxic environment back then, I'm sure. Those were reflections of my own immaturity and frustration from a number of factors in and outside of the game and community, and needless to say, I am ashamed of all of that.

My abhorrent actions in the WDL in particular aren't decisions I can fault anyone except myself for. The WDL was always a wonderfully ran league and has long proved itself a superior, worthy successor of the IDL community that kept Doom competition alive and strong in spite of countless divides and debacles that occurred over the years. I had no reason to, for example, be mean to my teammates in the first couple of seasons when things didn't go my way. I had no reason to be disrespectful to Water and his team in the Winter 2015 finals, even though it was a fairly close game. I had no reason to act so bitter during the All-Star game that I myself helped organise. I had no reason to rally people to participate in the league so fervently, only for me to put it aside as something not worth committing towards in Summer 2015. Those are all things that only I should be taking responsibility for, as the league up to that point had only been supportive and welcoming of my ideas and the good side of my actions. I didn't deserve the league and, to paraphrase Ralphis's own words, never treated it with the respect it deserved from someone who helped it come alive in the first place.

I never seized the opportunity to make a proper statement about my past actions, so I must say that I'm terribly sorry for all of the headache I've caused to all parties involved, who just wanted to create a fun, competitive environment for this great game. The things I put to waste back then, I will never be able to get back, but I hope to prove with my more recent actions that I'm not the same person that I was back then, and that I'll continue being a responsible player as I have been now. Even if some of you continue to hold grudges against me either way, that's fine and I don't fault you for it -- I can't change my past, but I can, however, focus on building a better present in a way that leaves me no regrets.

As the topic title says, most importantly, I'd also like to thank you guys for accepting me back into the league this year, in spite of my foul moves against it long ago. It's been a pleasure to truly get back into Doom competition after a long break of focusing on other things in life, and it's really put into perspective the importance of my own enjoyment with this game, the weight of my efforts to make good things happen here, and why I joined this community in the first place. I've had a lot of fun participating over the past two seasons, and I hope there will be many more exciting events to come. I'd be really happy if the league continued to grow as it has been lately, and that everybody has a lovely time playing some Doom CTF for a good many years ahead.

r4z0r

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Re: Appreciation post from Zakken
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2017, 01:07:04 PM »
gee all this over losing to kru on map16...

Water

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Re: Appreciation post from Zakken
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2017, 01:08:04 PM »
Quote
I had no reason to be disrespectful to Water and his team in the Winter 2015 finals, even though it was a fairly close game

I don't even remember anything bad happening, what happened? :psyboom

Zakken

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Re: Appreciation post from Zakken
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2017, 10:40:57 PM »
gee all this over losing to kru on map16...
That was a great game, and the last one I ever got to play with DemonSphere... I'll cherish it forever

I don't even remember anything bad happening, what happened? :psyboom
I just angrily yelled at my team in global chat as soon as we lost. I'm sure you guys expected us to more graciously accept our defeat, so I soured the experience for everyone involved somewhat. Sowwy :C